Back off B**ch!! Sharing Platter doesn’t mean I’m sharing!

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Most people in the world are good, honest and probably respectable. But there are some among you; you walk like us, you talk like us but you are not us. The lowest of the low…

 

FOOD STEALERS!

We all know one. We all know more than one, THEY MUST BE STOPPED!

They come in different forms,

The sneaky “I’ll just have a coffee people.” They sit there and just help themselves to your meal!! WTF?!?! You had the option of having your own and you turned it  down. Stop using me as a free meal!!!

The “can I have a bite of yours? it looks so good people” who when you agree because you feel mean saying no, load up their fork with as much as they possible can. When I said you could have a bite, I meant a human sized one, not Godzilla!!!

The “oh we’ll just share people”. Really? It’s news to me!! So why on earth are you telling the waiter to bring two forks?? I want the whole cake, not the parts I have to fork duel you for!!!

And the worst, the absolute Scum on the bottom of a shoe; the “are you going to finish that? people.” Yes. Yes I bloody well am…Wait, what? Why have you stolen my plate?…Oh you’re giving it back…And you’ve even licked it clean of crumbs…Thanks.

NO MORE!!!

I’m taking a stand! I don’t care if it’s something I hate, I don’t care if it’s over cooked, undercooked or fucking on fire! I’m going to choke it down if I have to because IT IS MINE!!!! Stop Trying to steal from me! You wouldn’t break into my house and steal my stuff, so why??/ Why do you have no problem stealing what I’m literally about to put in my mouth??? 

Take this as a warning World, if anyone and I mean anyone tries to eat MY meal you really won’t like what will happen next. 

Don’t know how to tell a food stealer to stop stealing? Direct them to this post! Facebook it! Tweet about it! Write it in the sky if you have to! The world is changing and it has no place for sneaky little food stealers!!!!

 

 

If you’ve found a creative way of dealing with the Food Stealers tell me the story. They deserve to be punished.

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Laugh out loud funny

http://www.youtube.com/user/DavidSoComedy/videos

Sometimes, rarely, you find something on youtube; a cat running from a hamster, a dog surfing and you can’t help but think WOW! I’m crying tears of laughter(or am I feeling deep emotional pain I didn’t know I had… hmmmmmmmmm)

Either way, this is my newest laugh out loud youtube find! He’s so funny I’d marry him AND accept his many mistresses because true comedic genius should be shared

AAAAAAND BONUS POINTS! He would never make you share a desert! Buy your own people, I won’t share!!!

Transfer Deadline: To dump or not to dump, that is the question

It seems to be a universally acknowledged rule, that relationships can not end in the run up to Christmas, or immediately afterwards. To do so is to be branded a cruel heartless monster of a human being!

But at what specific time does the transfer deadline come into effect??? By what date do you have to dump or live with your relationship until January???

The 5th? The 6th? Any later and you risk ruining Christmas for someone(It’s the most magical time of year, it can’t be messed with!)

But, if you can’t break up with someone until January(it has to carry on through the new year)does that not a little bit ruin Christmas for the dumper, they might not have hurt their soon to be exes feelings, but what they are doing is suffering through the longest month of their life in a doomed relationship.

And what about New Years resolutions? If it’s to break up with someone does that take precedence over transfer restrictions? Or do you have to wait until after the Christmas period is over? The 15th? If you leave it too late do you have to hang in another month until after Valentines day??? Arrrrrgh!!! Why are they so many holidays where it’s unspeakably cruel to dump someone!!!!

But needs must. Just as putting up a Christmas tree, buying an advent calendar is a Christmas tradition, so too should Transfer deadline be a part of Christmas tradition(Amazing idea!! It can be on the inside window on the 6th for Advent calendars so no one forgets ever!)

If you want to break up with someone either do it soon or don’t do it all! And if you don’t comfort yourself with the knowledge that at least you’re guaranteed a Christmas present!

Until next time,

Huuuuuuuugs!

Xoxo

P.S. Should we honour transfer deadline day in someway? An extra special meal, an extra special outfit? I vote black tie! It’s not everyday you break up with someone, nor is it everyday you can wear a ballgown or a tux!